A LONG WAY TO GO: MY TWO CENTS ON WHAT IS KILLING A MODERN MAN

 

PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT

A stressed out beautiful woman wondering where to go / Photo Courtesy / Ketut Subiyanto

Heavy Burdens

But what is going on? Hearts are getting darkened each waking day. Eyes are distracted. A lot of things are competing for attention. The mind of a typical human being is grappling with a lot of things. The mind has to think about the battles, the threats, the uncertainties, and life in general. Yet, there is a whole future. Even a much bigger problem. Than all the things the mind has to consider quadruplets. With all these competing tasks for the mind. The heart seems overwhelmed. The heart is tired. And it is breaking. I can see that in the frustrations of a man. A typical man is not saying everything. But his or her actions suggest that the man is tired. He is tired of shouldering his own burdens. Going out every day. Meeting challenges outside. And not having readily available solutions to those challenges. That reality of not knowing what to do is slowly killing a man.   

And the man is reacting. He is acting out. And his or her insecurities are getting exposed. So there are complaints all over. In the only place that a man feels comfortable. The mouth can’t stop talking. She is talking about this or that. A lot of topics at the same time. I am just wondering when did the first conversation end. And where did the second or even the third topic began. But a house was supposed to be a sanctuary. A warm place. A welcoming place. A peaceful place. A place where embers of love shine all over. At least, that is how a home should look like in my experience. Home should be safety. Not a trigger environment. However, some people are not finding comfort and warmth in their own homes. They are not falling asleep as soon as they land on their couches. Instead, they are seeing a lot of mistakes as soon as, they step in their homes.

The acting out. All the murmurs. And all those frustrations. Only point to one thing. The man is wounded. And the wounds are weighing heavily on the heart. And since, this man does not know how to lead his or her own life. Things are getting messy every day. Raised voice. Unnecessary arguments. Vulgar language. Aggressiveness. All these efforts are being invested to hurt another person. A man is trying to frustrate other people too. Because in the mind of this man or woman. Shouting or acting cold towards other people. Makes him or her appear in control. Her emotions are playing games on her. A man is confusing being emotional. Or being emotionally involved with everything as being in control. But being emotionally involved with everything is not leadership. Wearing a fake persona to appear strong is not stewardship.

    Emotional Wreck

A handsome frustrated modern man / Photo / Ekaterina Belinskaya  

Having an opinion in almost everything is not being in control. Neither is the desire to want to control everything or everyone. A modern man is an emotional wreck. People have prioritized their emotions over common sense. And in the process of being an emotional roller coaster. A lot of things are going wrong. A lot of errors are being spread around. And guess who is feeling the consequences. The child. Imagine a child having to endure all that murmuring. A man and a woman had a bad day outside. And relived the day in the house. In front of his children or even guests. Whereas, to the man this type of behavior might appear as nothing. To the child. It is a seed. In hindsight. The man was teaching his or her child how to solve a problem. Without saying a word. The man just told the child. When you have a bad day.

Make sure everyone around you has a bad day too. Destroy the mood in the house. Turn the atmosphere from calm to tense. Make everyone around uncomfortable. Talk about everything you saw in the course of the day. What you liked and what you did not like. Talk about how all those things made you feel. The man just taught a child how to be an emotional wreck too. Yet, things like these have a proper way of handling. But in the burst of emotions. An error went out as a lesson. The man just taught his son or daughter. That it is okay to be immature. That it is fine to never take responsibility of your own life. That leadership and common sense are not needed in such things. But all these are wrong signals. If you are a parent and you are immature. Your child should never know about this weakness. In fact, no one else should know about it.

Your weaknesses are your best kept secrets. Because they are personal. And embarrassing at the same time. Weaknesses are best confessed to a specific audience. This kind of confessions should take place in private. Where you feel safe and protected. Find a safe space to verbalize your emotions. You can do this in an audience of three. There are three sets of people you can reveal your secrets too. Your spouse, yourself, and Jesus. Those are your safe audience to open up. And they will be happy to listen to you. And they will encourage you. To speak your heart out. In private. Not in the living room. Speak honestly about things that bother you. Your injuries, frustrations, anxieties, and things that depress you. Managing emotions require leadership. Have some kind of restraint. Not everything is suitable in every setting or everyone.

Address The Root

A hard working intelligent man on the way / Photo / Vitaly Garlev

Whatever you might be interpreting as being in control. Might just be exposing you. Revealing your insecurities, ignorance, prejudice, and utter lack of common sense. To everyone. Was it just a bad day or were there other underlying issues? Perhaps your child or spouse might understand your point of view. However, normalizing this type of behavior as a person is not progress. You can’t relive a bad day in front of everyone. You just can’t be this type of person who talks about everything. Don’t be insecure in your own house. Learn how to take responsibility. Instill some kind of discipline in your own household. Tell the people in your house what you like and what you don’t like. Put words to your feelings. And leave fake personas alone. If you are frustrated. Find the best way to address your frustrations. Channel that frustration to the right people.

Address the person who wronged you. The one that disrespected you. Link your wounds to the right solutions. Hearts that have darkened. Have their root causes. Go for those underlying causes. Sources that make you irritated first thing in the morning. Remove your eyes from wrong conversations. Stop filling your mind with unnecessary burdens. Don’t jostle for relevance. Reduce the number of battles you are involved in a day. Don’t live your life distracted all the time. Instead, live in the moment. That is the only way. You will catch what is darkening your heart. By paying attention. To things that you are giving permission in your own life. Don’t give permission unconsciously. To some people to walk all over you. And complain about it later. Live in the present. Don’t destroy your own generation out of ignorance.

Life is bigger than your ignorance or pettiness. Don’t let your emotions destroy good things. A future is worth fighting for. But you cannot fight while hurting other people. You don’t aspire good things by disrespecting or erasing people around you. You cannot get to a good future. If you cannot handle some things in your present. If you don’t learn how to treat your guests with dignity in a small house. You would not treat them with dignity in a big house. Don’t allow your own insecurities to destroy good relationships. People have bad days. Some bad years. But they don’t become emotional roller coasters. Have some discipline. Nobody needs to know you had a bad day. Find some wisdom. Mature a little bit. Don’t live in errors thinking you are serving leadership qualities. Immaturity makes people unattractive.

Address the sources of toxicity in your own heart. Because it is the toxicity, which is making everything around you look bad. Upon further investigation. You will realize that it was not the people. Around you who were the problem. You were the problem all along. Because you failed to see the problem. The problem was the dark heart from the beginning. But you did not find out why you ended up with a dark heart. So you have all these irritations. And you think. The things around you are the problem. Wake up man. You have a long way to go.