JOURNEY INSIDE: THE STRUGGLE, FEAR, & SHAME

 

BUILDING BETTER HABITS

A handsome man thinking about the journey inside / Photo Courtesy / Newman Photographs

Wounds Inside

The journey inside is complex. It is characterized with hesitations, denials, struggles, fear, and shame. There is something inside that makes it difficult to look at. As a result, some people would rather just pretend that nothing is happening or going on. They would rather deny that which is so clear. The denial itself is not an erasure of reality. Instead, the denial of a dark heart is admission of shame. Some people are ashamed that they have a weakness. A complex reality that they don’t know what to do with. And admitting that they have a weakness sort of make their whole self-weak. And people are afraid of being perceived as weak. So some would rather just hesitate. And others would rather nurture a dark heart than admit that they need help. They make all these decisions fully knowing, something is broken within.   

There are a lot of wounds inside. Life has wounded them. But they just struggle to admit those wounds. Because admitting sounds like an exposé. Yet some secrets are best tacked away. There are somethings that people want to remain unnamed. People do not want to give their wounds names. Yet, these very wounds are taking something away from them. Some people would rather live a life of loss than muster courage. People would rather ignore that which bothers them every day. Shame has engulfed their entire being. And in the process convinced them that not taking the journey is much safer than taking the actual journey inside. The people who are struggling with looking inside have not lost their mind. They are normal human beings who in some extends, have depicted themselves as equal opportunity members of society.    

They have a voice. They also have an opinion on something or everything. They are normal human beings. But they are struggling to be honest. They are afraid of opening up. They are ashamed of their weaknesses. And in the process, they have given power to the wrong things. A dark heart in its merit of being dark means something. Inside is broken. Inside is hurting. Inside is not clean. A dark heart needs cleaning. A dark heart needs to be admitted that it exists. And that someone suffering from a dark heart needs help. But every time you postpone. Every time you hesitate. You are nurturing a dark heart. The fear holding you back is feeding a dark heart. The struggles you go through to name the weakness are all fertile grounds for a dark heart. Being ashamed of a weakness is tantamount to charging that weakness.

Nothing is Hidden

A hard working man walking away from darkness / Photo / Neclp Duman

A dark heart will always be full as long as fear, shame, struggle, and hesitation exist. As long as, these four attributes hold you back. You are not free. Fear and shame have created a certain prison for you. One that is pulling you behind. Yet, in your own limited human capacity. You think you are making progress. Because the struggle is within and as such, it is well hidden. But nothing is hidden. There are insecurities. There are petty egos. Emotions and so many other things that keep glaring up at the right time. All these things are not random. If the heart is dark. Darkness will be everywhere. Darkness will be in the way you do things. Talk to other people. Behave towards your immediate family or friends. And every other thing you are involved with. A dark heart darkens someone. It robs you of authenticity.    

Why do we struggle to look inside? Why would some people choose to nurture a dark heart than confront it? What is making us hesitate to acknowledge our weaknesses? These are just some of the core questions around this subject. But the discussion is long. It is one we cannot address all its angles in a single sitting. Because any normal human being, struggles with something. And this is not to validate nurturing a dark heart. This is to admit that normal human beings struggle in real life. We struggle with different things. Ranging from various addictions to moral decay. And sometimes, fear leads us in the wrong direction. When people are running away from the truth. They can do so many things along the way. Some can wear fake personas. Others become macho. Others become people-pleasers.

All in the name of hiding. Yet, the truth is not something you run away from. A dark heart will always rare its ugly head. Things that make you feel insecure, will only stop making you insecure if you confront the underlying cause. Name some dark things in your life or in your heart. That is how you take power away from a dark heart. By confronting a dark heart. Give your wounds names. Call them by their names. And if you have a dark heart. Start by admitting the darkness. Start with honesty. Accept the weakness. Look at what that weakness is making you do. The lives you are destroying. The relationships you are severing. And the person you are becoming in the process of reacting. Look at the wounds. Acknowledge what the wounds are making you do that you don’t like. Forget about shame and look inside.

Be in Control

A pensive man thinking inside / Photo / Marlon Retrados

You owe your life some dignity. Don’t allow things that you are supposed to be in control of control you. Grow up just a little bit. Muster just a little courage. Don’t be indecisive. Not when a dark heart is about to rob you off your humanness. Stay in charge. Take notice of things. Life becomes uncomfortable every other time. We get pricked every now and then. But don’t confuse that with losing control. When you nurture a dark heart out of fear. You have lost control. In fact, you haven’t just lost control. You have given permission to the wrong thing. Don’t give darkness power. Confront darkness. Tackle the areas that comes across as your weakest points. Things that make you assume a fake person. Habits that force you into addiction. That truth that has been keeping you in hiding for a long time. Face that reality.

Look inside and name the darkness. Because we have so many hurting people in society. And we cannot continue this way. We can struggle with some things. But at one point or the other. We must stop struggling. And be human beings enough. And face that which is our threat. Fear kills people. Shame binds people in prison. Dishonesty corrupts the mind. Stop nurturing toxicity. A dark heart is poison.

Sooner or later, that poison catches up with you. Stop selling yourself short. Choose courage. Choose vulnerability. Name your struggle. Name your weaknesses. Seek help. The journey inside is not easy. The journey inside is uncomfortable. But it is worth taking. Take that journey if you haven’t walked that path. The journey inside is a walk of boldness and honesty. One of these fine days. Try it. And see how it will make you feel.

I certainly love this response from the questions (why do we struggle to look inside? Some people would rather nurture a dark heart than admit that they have a dark heart. And need some help. What is making people hesitate to acknowledge their weaknesses?) I raised earlier.

 

“The hesitation might be that admitting a weakness feels like it makes the whole self-weak. When really it’s the first honest step towards changing it. Naming the dark part is what starts to take its power away.”            

 

Feel free to share your thoughts too. Looking forward to reading them.