I ALREADY HAVE DEFENSE

 

CULTIVATING GROWTH MINDSET

A high-tech defense team verifying intelligence / Photo Courtesy / Kampus Production

So I Was the Trigger?

A season has been rife with great revelations. And I have been present all this time. I have watched a heart turn or let’s just say, shake off its mask into one of the most toxic hearts a season has ever witnessed. I thought I was walking into familiar territory. With familiar people. But woe unto me. Familiar is what was sold at face value. However, deep down. The hearts were already dark. And they only needed a trigger. And it seemed, I had the trigger. In fact, I did not need to do much to begin the upsets. I only needed to be myself. That is, mind my own business. Then, slowly and surely, a hidden feature began to emerge. First as a boy. Second as disrespect. And third as a subtle threat. Then, it graduated from there into a whole strife. A type of strife, which ended in an opposition. Now, everyone who looked familiar has turned into mine foe.

I am now living as a fugitive in a place, which was supposed to be safe and familiar. I knew I was not home. So my expectations were not high. In fact, I was not looking for any special treatment or any form of coziness. I was here for a reason. And I thought my reason was well understood by the host. However, I was highly mistaken. The host never got the point. Or perhaps, the turning of the heart stripped the host of common sense. Because when you examine the content of that strife. You will quickly learn that it lacks basic common sense. But that is what insecurities, petty egos, immaturity, and lack of knowledge do when they are left to reign. They cause things that were not supposed to go wrong actually go wrong.   A lot of things for that matter. Things that were not supposed to go wrong at all. Because one mistake was made. Keys were handed to a boy. Not just a boy.

But one who is emotionally involved with everything. A chauvinist in the making. One without the right judgment. A boy who cannot differentiate between correction and loathing. But the boy is an adolescent who is acting grown up. As a result, he is hitting himself on a lot of things because he lacks control. Someone must have cheated him along the way. Because he thinks that since, he is a teenage now. He earned the right to argue about anything or with anyone. So he has no boundaries. No restraint and lacks understanding of so many things. And it seems, he found someone to pick on. And the environment just happens to be right. So he has leveraged on that back up and went rogue. He is always in a fighting mood. And if that mood slows down. He has to do everything in his power to bring it back up. So he is very intentional about provoking his targets.

Leadership Vacuum

A diligent executive enjoying immense security / Photo / Francois Joubert

And since, it happened once and the person who was supposed to knock sense in him looked the other way. It has now become a habit. Now the boy has become a master of conflicts. He brews them at every little opportunity he comes across. He is always looking for a fight. But don’t blame him. The boy was and is still being weaponized. He is being fed errors, distortions, and misrepresentations. And since, he has turned himself into a fool. He is buying a whole wickedness. Because the seller is the most trusted person on earth. What happens when a mother becomes one who misleads? What happens when a mother turns into a people-pleaser and while at it becomes toothless? That a household ends up with a leadership vacuum. So when a boy becomes a wreckage at the expense of his own future. Will you blame him?

When the conditions for his own downfall are perfectly set by the very person who is supposed to correct and guide. Will it shock you if the same boy ended up being friends with demons? I only happened to be there at the right time to witness the struggles of a mother and a son. Where one seems to be an inheritance of the other. These are people who once thought they were good people. However, they had never submitted their patience to be tested. Maybe, because they had never encountered someone who carries their opposite. Insecure people are threatened by smooth operations. They see threats where there are no threats. And this means that if you just sit there and say nothing at all. An insecure person will still have a problem with you. Because insecure people thrive in chaos. And in the absence of those chaos, they are not comfortable at all.

So there has to be a cycle where things must be pulled from to form conflicts. And the people courting these conflicts want to muddy everyone around them. Peace will be disrupted all the time. A toxic heart does not know the essence of calmness. Instead, a contaminated heart is deeply interested in contaminating things. That is actually the opposition. It begins with an injured boy who takes offense with an advice he did not like. The injury becomes the basis of his rampage. Only to introduce a bigger picture. That it has a source and that it has been in existence since the beginning. The difference being that in the past, it had not found a means to express itself. But now that it has found perfect conditions. The behavior has become effortless. And the people advancing it have become shameless about it.

Taken Out of Context

A hard working security personnel defending his boss / Photo Courtesy / Ketut Subiyanto  

Now they are not hiding. In fact, they are super charged to reveal themselves. They want you to know they are not good people. And they are not afraid to show it.  Someone is surely determined to pick a fight. Look at the aggressiveness and the cold-heartedness. Something is itching someone. So he or she must throw a word here or there to get a reaction. Those words are intentional. They are meant to provoke. They are supposed to be the harbingers of arguments. Then, from there. A lot of things will be taken out of context. The truth will be twisted to fit a certain narrative that feeds into their echo chambers. Here, there will be no normal conversations. In fact, the person who will be speaking sense would be gaslit to appear as though out of his or her mind. The conversation is plain mediocrity.

Yet, this season was supposed to be about family and friendship. But look at what pettiness did to a whole season. Revealed hidden enemies who had camouflaged   as family. I have witnessed resentment, hatred, rejection, mockery, selfishness, and contempt all served under the same season. My only mistake was to stay long enough to see what I was not supposed to see. A family falling apart while pretending to be united. I am shocked at the level of errors being peddled as the truth. And just how much someone is determined to contaminate the other. But I don’t want to be contaminated. So here is what I will do. I will not answer back those who are determined to darken me. In fact, I will not defend myself against them. After all, I wasn’t looking for a fight. I was only interested in solving a problem.

Solving a problem was my main priority. But someone seems to be taking advantage of my proximity to them. Some people are doing all manner of things. To just make sure that I know they can be cold-blooded. They are doing all these things because they have accepted some form of blindness. They have been feeding themselves wrong things. And they feel like I am the right person to experience their moral decadence. However, I am not the right person. I only happen to be in the same environment with them. But an adolescence mind can be stubborn and misleading at the same time. It just never learns that it has a long way to go. That it is still developing and is not ready for adulthood just yet. But the mouth is weak. It cannot stop talking. So now, I must make decisions about this matter. And I have reached a decision. I will be the adult in the room. So I refuse to be distracted. Even though, I hate the ugliness in the entire season. I will accept that a home sometimes, is not supposed to be tidy. Those cracks, those hidden things, and those unprocessed emotions just show the long journey ahead. A journey, which determines whether people will overcome their challenges or not. The season has been bitterly beautiful. Without the problem, I would not have known some things. That a person like me, does not need to defend herself because I already have defense.