EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
A frustrated handsome man struggling with strong human emotions /Photo /Andrea Piacquadio
Psychologist’s Take
Strong
human emotions such as, envy do a lot of things to society. A take from a
seasoned human emotions researcher, psychologist, and professor reveals that
envy can be both positive and negative. Professor Gerrod Parrott from college
of arts and sciences from Georgetown University observes that all human
emotions are useful based on specific situations. His research on human
emotions has invested deeply on the emotion of envy. One of the ways envy can
be useful to society is when it makes people think and ask themselves important
questions such as, why they lack what other people have. When a person gets to
this level of thinking, envy can motivate this person to overcome challenges
and rise above his or her inadequacies. But be warned. Not everyone understands
the usefulness of unpleasant emotions such as, envy. Most people struggle to
understand and convert their negative emotions into something meaningful. And this is where envy becomes toxic for some people.
When you
understand the usefulness of envy and allow it to challenge and motivate you to
do better, you lift yourself up. People work hard and overcome the limitations
that previously stood in the way of having what the other person has that they
admired. Envy gets people to think and work on their weaknesses. This type of
positive motivation from unpleasant emotion of envy promotes progressiveness in
society. It can result in people improving themselves to gain the right skills
and make meaningful progress in life. In this scenario, a person is using the
success of the other person as motivation. He/she is no longer paying attention
to the other person to see what is missing in his or her own life. Instead,
this person has looked at the successful person and learned that something was
missing in his or her own life.
And this
person has decided to solve a problem, which could have ended up in a negative
outcome. This individual has chosen to level up. The focus is to build whatever
is broken in him or her in order to have what the other person has. In this
event, envy has been used for the right purpose. Someone has thought about why
he or she is lacking something and has chosen to do something about that lack. To
that end, society gains a more mature, level-headed, and progressive
individual. A person that is capable of turning potentially risky emotions into
empowerment. However, not everyone manages to beat the odds of envy and rise
beyond his or her weaknesses. Some people struggle with their strong emotions. And
these emotions begin to create something ugly in them. And when that ugly turns
into rot, some people are ready to hurt others. But how does envy form?
Formation of Envy
Envy can
be defined as undesirable emotion, which comes from the act of comparison. When
you turn your attention to other people, and start comparing yourself to other
people. Envy begins to manifest in your life. The act of comparison makes you
will learn that other people are doing better than you. And they could also
have capabilities, which are much more superior than yours. Other people are
better than you. They have made significant progress than you. When you get to
this level of comparison, all you see is your own weaknesses and defectiveness.
This makes you feel bad and creates the perfect environment for negative feelings
and emotions. And this is when you begin to hate or resent the other person
that has what you don’t have. Comparison is the foundation that ushers envy
among us because people shift attention from themselves to other people.
A beautiful woman coming to terms with her strong human emotions /Photo /Karolina Grabowska
Comparison
introduces feelings of inferiority or inadequacy. When you begin to harbor
these types of feelings. You have failed to understand the usefulness of the
current emotion you are feeling. Instead, of conquering your own emotions. Envy
begins to change you. It transitions from motivation to a risk or even a
motive. You only begin to hate and resent when you turn attention to other
people. The turned attention tells you that there is so much that you don’t have
or know. Yet, the other person who has so much knows a lot. And you begin to
twists things and convince yourself that the other person does not deserve the
success or knowledge he or she has. And you begin to think of how you can bring
that person down. At this point, this envy is in advanced stage and is ready to
harm. You are not using it to ask why you don’t have. You are using it to
question why the other person has. And that
is dangerous.
Types of Envy
Psychologist
Parrot defines that kind of envy as malicious. It is malicious because it has introduced
ill-will and hatred. The idea of you questioning why other people have what you
admire and you don’t have that thing yet. Introduces ill will in your feelings.
You become so obsessed with the things that other people have to an extent that
you begin to hate those people for having what they have. You hate them because
you don’t think they deserve it. You don’t think they are better than you. And
to get even, you develop a motive to destroy. Malicious envy destroys good
things. Malicious envy is evil. It drives people to commit sin. According to
psychologist Parrott, there are two types of envy. Benign envy and malicious
envy. Benign envy is what I discussed at the beginning of this article. It is
the one that motivates you to think of how to improve your weaknesses and begin
to own what you did not have initially.
Benign
envy comes from idleness. It is a scenario where you long for what someone else
has but you don’t have that thing yet. The idea of not having what someone else
has makes you not to feel good. The feeling of not feeling good for lack
something is envy. But this envy does not drive you to hate or resent someone. You
just don’t feel good. And that feeling of lack and inadequacy is what other
people explore to their own advantage. Instead, of hating the person that has
what they don’t have. They choose to learn from the person. Or the success of
the other person motivates them to think and do better. People who suffer from
benign envy do not hurt other people. They use the insights they learn from
other people who have what they admire to improve themselves. This group of
people successfully understand the usefulness of the negative emotion they are
feeling and learn from it.
When you
end up with the second type of envy. It often times has evolved and transitioned
from just a feeling of not feeling good to malice. Malicious envy not only makes
you feel inadequate but also causes you to develop evil intentions and hatred
towards other people. When you begin to hate the other person for having what
you don’t have, you are not just hating. You are also gradually growing hostile
towards the same person. And when the feelings of hostility and resentment
begin to settle in you. Other ideas start emerging. Ideas of how you can end
what that other person has. Your thoughts at this point convinces you that when
you take away what that other person has, you will become similar. You will
both lack the thing that you once admired from the other person. And that might
feel like an achievement in the short-term. If you succeed at all, in
fashioning a scheme that destroys the success of the other person.
When
your feelings turn into evil intentions. You are certainly consumed with rage
and dehumanized the other person. When you finally launch your attacks. You
will not be attacking a fellow human being. You will instead be attacking the
monster you see in that person. That is why you will easily justify your evil
intentions towards other people. When you hate something so much, you don’t usually
see the value of that thing. Your focus instead, is in the pain or frustration
that that thing brings to you. This is why professor Parrott describes
malicious envy as a deadly sin. Just as, the immortal sins described in the
gospels of Mathew chapter 15 and Mark chapter seven verse 21 to 23. Envy is
among the deadly or immortal sins described in the Bible. It is deadly because it
harms and destroys. Malicious envy causes people to develop motives that even
result in death.
A tired victim of strong human emotions relieving her trauma /Photo /Pixabay
So be
careful when you find yourself being envious of other people. If, you learn
that your envy is making you want to harm someone. Just know that you are
dealing with malicious envy, which is capable of destruction. And if you allow
it to get a good hold of you. You will surely commit that deadly sin. In fact,
malicious envy is what our modern society knows best. This type of envy has
been manifested in so many real-life scenarios. Some of you have been victims
of malicious envy and you fully understand the impact. Others have been
perpetrators of malicious envy. And they have harmed people who had nothing to
do with them. All the victims did was work hard and define clear goals. They wanted
something and they worked hard to achieve it. But a malicious person with envy
destroyed it because he or she could not stand having a successful person
within the same environment.
Relatability
You are
familiar with this reality in society where malicious people develop motives to
harm other people. You have seen people rejoice when other people experience
misfortunes. You have also seen people gang up against one person with so much
hate and resentment. These people behave that way because the person they deem
as an enemy exposes so elements of weaknesses in them that they struggle to
accept. These people who hate others, might not have the same work ethic as the
person they hate. They might also not
have the wisdom and knowledge that the other person has. And not having those
qualities drive them crazy. Therefore, instead of accepting their weaknesses
and seeking to understand why they cannot perform as the other person. They resort to hate and hostility. Because it
is much easier to hate than to mend.
Therefore,
the question in our story today was not just to help you learn about the
different types of envy and their impact in society; but also a question of why
human beings fail to master their strong emotions. Professor Parrott observes that
human emotions have been part of human evolution. And they have been used to help
human beings survive and even achieve their objectives. If this is the case,
why then do the same emotions become obstacles? Why do human beings struggle
with their strong emotions? Have human beings become weaker with every
evolution to an extent that they can no longer manage their emotions? Think about
these questions. Are you one of the people struggling with your strong
emotions? And if yes, what are you doing about it?
Are you
harming other people using your unfriendly emotions? Don’t forget how envy
begins. Turn your attention from wrong things. Stop giving to much attention to
what you don’t have. Instead, aim to understand yourself. Know your weaknesses
and strengths. And become an open-minded progressive person. This way, you will
be much more useful to society than when you allow emotions such as, envy to take
toll on you. Don’t convert society into a dangerous place for human survival because
you suffer from malicious envy. Innocent people have suffered enough and they
can’t take it anymore. Find better solutions to your strong emotions other than
hostility, resentment, and hatred.
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