EPISODE III: UNCOVERING ADULTS

 

ORIGINAL SERIES

A curious young lady uncovering the truth/Credit/Noelle Otto

EPISODE III: UNCOVERING ADULTS

I was committed. I wanted to understand everything. Especially, that part where irresponsibility came across as the biggest challenge among adults. I wanted to know why adults were struggling to get it right. After all, parents have a reputation. A reputation of knowing what to do. In the eyes of their children, parents appear like perfect beings. People who know everything. They are responsible, strong, and focused. Adults have managed to build an image of security to a child. With all these sophistications and pretentions, not many children know that their parents or normal adults have problems. They see perfect beings. Then admiration. That is how I also saw things until I initiated my project. As a child, I would not even know that my parents could be irresponsible. Life was busy. I loved playing. And that left very little room for looking around. By the way, why would I even look around? No one had given me any reason to look around. Just as many adults have not given reasons to be doubted. It is a plot to get away with bad behavior. Their irresponsible acts are hidden because no one is looking.    

My project was a big success. It brought the truth out. It uncovered adults. Since my thesis focused on why adults err. There is no way I could miss investigating cases of irresponsibility. My focus with the project was to find answers to some of my stubborn questions. I had observed some things. And I was not going to ask an adult to answer them for me. I was going to find out by myself. I wanted the truth. And I knew the right way to the truth. No one knew I was running a side project. In addition to the many things that I was doing. It was a personal project. I was doing it under cover. And under cover created a perfect setting to understand everything. I had seen life. I had been around people. And I saw what was going on. Some people were walking from one mistake to the other. In worsts cases. I observed an impasse. And I could not get it. I could not figure out what was so hard; that adults were struggling terribly.

Then I found out the truth. This was the revelation. Adults are not super humans. They are normal human beings. And sometimes, normal people struggle. They struggle because they do not have answers to some of their questions. So they end up in a difficult place. A difficult place where they don’t know what to do. Some adults struggle because they discover too late that what they were prepared for might not exist. As a result, they are forced to adjust. And some people don’t like change. And when they face the unexpected. They struggle to admit that they are having a rough time. Adults find it difficult to accept that they could be making mistakes. And that perhaps, they need to change their course. And find the right way. Some have travelled too far to turn back. So they find ways to cover their struggles or mistakes.

Further, I also learned that some adults struggle with  cases of irresponsibility because no one taught them better. No one taught them responsibility. No one knew how to be responsible in their past experiences.  As a result, irresponsibility was normalized and no one saw anything wrong with it. Because that is how people live around here. Some adults had disastrous upbringings. They came from backgrounds, which had no leadership and structure. And you don't expect someone from that kind of setting to get things right. They were never taught responsibility when growing up. And for some, responsibility was a new concept. A concept that they only came across as adults themselves. So they did not know how to be responsible. That is why they were struggling with getting it right. One angle of my findings informed me so. I could now understand the source of their struggles.   

However, I was not done. I wanted to learn more. And I ended up with the second layer of the truth. I would call the second layer of the truth a tragedy. It is a tragedy because adults failed to grow up. My findings revealed that, some of the adults I was seeing and interacting with in the big city. Could actually not be adults. They were just covered in adult bodies. Yet in reality, they could be five-year-olds or two-year-olds in their brains. And you don’t expect a five or two-year-old to know what to do. A five-year-old is a child. A child that still needs proper guidance and direction. In fact, a five-year-old needs effective early childhood educational program to turn out great. Most adults had not learned how to be effective adults. They were stuck somewhere in their heads. And that is how one group of adults came out as irresponsible.

A busy professional at work/Credit/Andrea Piacquadio 

It was hard for me to accept these truths. Life for sure has surprises. Society could be hosting a lot of child-adults. Yet these individuals. Have gone ahead to get involved in circumstances that demand responsibility out of them. I discovered a lot of mess on the subject of adults and responsibility. I am not sure whether the new discovery helped me to be more empathetic towards adults or not. All I know is that I was investigating adults and I found something I don’t like. I found irresponsibility and its underlying cause. The problem of people not being responsible where they are needed is a huge problem in modern society. A massive one for that matter. One that is ripping families apart. And continues to threaten real people even now. Grown up men and women were struggling to have it together. I could not believe what I was seeing. I saw these adults in the big city. Real men and women struggling. They were doing a lot of things. Things like getting up early in the morning and going to work. And working really hard.

Adults were working hard not only to make money but also hide their mistakes. The grownups in the big city were chasing dreams. They wanted to build something for themselves. They were looking for a good life. A good future for their families and perhaps, build a good reputation among their peers. Adults that I interacted with were looking for progress. They wanted to build wealth. And no one can blame them for that. Everyone wants a good life. People want to do well in life and they are willing to pay the price. People travel and leave countries in search of better opportunities. The ideas of wealth creation and real-life progress pushed many adults in the city to really work hard.  You could easily confuse their hard work for being responsible human beings. But that was not being responsible. Many adults were getting it right because there was some structure out there.

Their workplaces laid out what was supposed to be done. And there were consequences for those who did not follow simple instructions. To prove their worth. Adults worked hard to meet expectations or even surpass them. They were so good as professionals because someone trained them to be competent. However, as individuals doing their personal duty. Terrible is an understatement. Because irresponsibility emerged from their personal activities. The personal side was unchecked. They were the only control measures. They needed to learn the best way to live as adults. They needed values and best ways to face or solve problems. However, when it came to fixing their own individual problems and struggles. Grown up men and women failed. Most of them were hiding behind their busy schedules. Yet in reality, some could not initiate a successful operation.          

These adults were only responsible in the public eye. But behind the scenes a lot was happening. Homes were breaking and families were falling apart. Adults were coming up shot on small tasks. Activities that involved keeping operations around their lives smooth. Some of them could not be responsible dads or moms. They were struggling with their own issues. Issues that they had not found time to think about or come to terms with. Childhood traumas were affecting their adulthood. Anyone that needed something out of these adults did not necessarily get it. It was tough. It was heartbreaking. And if there is a secret that adults know how to hide so well, is admitting the truth. Adults will never accept that there is something wrong with them. They just cannot bring themselves to correction. They would rather fight. And even take offense. But never accept the truth.    

                                                                    

                          A man waiting for train/Credit/JESHOOTS

Even when irresponsibility spells out strikingly across their lives. Admission will never come easy. Only a small number will accept that they are struggling and need help. However, majority will be in their typical adult element. Putting up a spirited demeanor. A face that depicts them as being in control. People who have it together. Children cannot know that dad is struggling. In fact, no one can play with dad or mom. Children in those houses must learn how to behave. They must learn how to do the right thing. Or else, they will know who is in charge. Children should take their education seriously. That is at least, what I observed among most adults. They were putting up a face and could not admit the truth. They had invented the worst coping mechanism. The coping mechanism came from a point of vulnerability. A point of embarrassment. No one likes being found out.

And adults are no exception. They find ways to hide their flaws. Deep in their veins even when they are hurting. However, with me. Nothing was going to pass my astute eyes. I found out. I saw them. I watched them struggle. And it was the most difficult lesson I ever learned on earth. Bad traits can break people. Irresponsibility damaged a lot of lives. Irresponsibility stirs mistrust. It makes people bad allies. These undesirable attributes.  Come from the backdrop of people never learning how to get things right. And no one likes people who don’t get it right. The idea of not getting things right became so bad that some people managed overlook acting responsibly. They saw nothing wrong with being irresponsible. They were just unconscious of it. And that is where it gets ugly and dangerous. You cannot just become careless. A typical irresponsible person is unconscious of irresponsibility. He/she does not know what you are talking about. Someone is okay. And that is the tragedy.

It is really bad for other people to worry about your behavior. If they have to worry at all, it means it has really worsened. That you are headed in the wrong direction. And I saw the effects of not acting responsibly first hand. Families were no longer enjoying life. Because one of the adults was not doing his/her part. Peace was interrupted. Because one of the partners felt more pressure than the other. The responsible one in the family felt overburdened. The burdens that one adult could shoulder pulled fun out of life. People became depressed. Families that had children no longer had happy kids. Things in the home changed and kids could not understand why. No one was willing to explain. That is how ugly irresponsible looked to me. I never wanted anything to do with it. I could not stand the idea burdening. There is no way I could live my life like that. You cannot seat pretty watching one person carry the burdens. 

And the trait was everywhere I turned. Adults were messed up. And I could not understand how they ended up that way. I could not bring myself to understand the recklessness. I don’t know how those irresponsible adults dealt with it every day. It looked horrid to me.  I did not want to interact with it. Seeing how adults struggled taught me a tough lesson. I learned being responsible at early age. I began to take instructions very seriously. I listened carefully. And I learned to follow instructions to get things done right. The whole experience taught me that adults who were struggling to get things right were not being honest with themselves. They knew something was wrong somewhere. Yet they were doing nothing about it. They just kept going. Kept prevaricating from the right path and never stopped to think.

I hated witnessing that scene. And I swore to myself never to tolerate recklessness now or in the future. Adults were not making good choices. They were not correcting their mistakes. They were nurturing irresponsible behavior. To an extent that it was festering in their lives. And it cost most of them a lot. Some families broke up. Some people ran out of love. And others lost respect for each other. They could not just put up with the bad behavior. Normal life was getting threatened. Irresponsibility was left to last longer than it was necessary. Adults should have not allowed themselves to travel that far. They should have applied restrain. But who could prevent life from happening? There was a problem and life was showing it unapologetically. Life exposed adults in the most flagrant manner. They could no longer hide. Their guards were down. And you could see vulnerability. Despair. And mom and dad in their weakest form. It was ugly. But I understood the source of their weaknesses. 

These were difficult moments. Perhaps, people were doing their best. But there was no excuse for being irresponsible. My findings revealed that the different struggles that I witnessed among adults came from different motivations. There were complex underlying issues. Issues, which can be described as beyond control. However, in life, people have choices. There mere fact that people came from traumatized backgrounds does not necessarily mean that they should remain traumatized. Life is good. It offers second chances. Opportunities for wise people to correct mistakes. Opportunities to change. The windows of reinvention were there. I just wish that most of these adults could have chosen growth. They should have fought harder to overcome their challenges. They should have learned to unlearn bad practices. They should have found suitable role models. They should have controlled this ugly scene before it escalated. But yet again, this is normal life. Life has to run its course. And normal people struggle. People get it right sometimes. And in certain occasions, they lose it altogether.  And that constitutes being alive. To experience raw life unfold in front of you. Bringing up things you like. And things you don't like. But you can make a decision. To be better or bad. The choice is yours.