DON'T ESCALATE

 

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

A hard working boass escalating / Photo Courtesy / Acan Tami

Define the Problem

Petty ego is a mindset often associated with insecurity, pride, and low-self-esteem. Petty ego trivializes small matters over important issues. A person who suffers from petty ego. Always wants to be right. The is fixated on being right. This behavior is mostly motivated by low-self-esteem. People who suffer from this trait use it as a defense mechanism. Being petty or small-minded helps to validate their feelings. They want to feel some sense of control over something or narratives. And the best way to assert that control is to overreact to minor things. Overreacting gives them a sense of superiority. People overreact to minor grievances. Things that someone who exercises his or her common sense very well. Can easily bridge without unnecessary attention or chaos. But Inside the mind of an egoist, are misunderstandings, hurt, grudges, and revenge.

A petty egoist creates a scene out of nothing. This is someone who focuses on non-issues at the expense of important things. These type of people are often times interested in creating chaos, unnecessary fights, and conflicts. This group of people talk a lot. Their focus is more on being heard and correct than making sense. Petty ego looks ugly. It destroys good environments. Pettiness quickly transforms a room from productive to toxic. The conversation scandalizes more than it empowers. The reason it carries a lot of negative energy is because the person engaged in the conversation wants to win. As a result, he or she will argue until is right. In the process of this senseless argument. Time is wasted. Peace is lost. And there will be no solution. I am sorry if you are this kind of person. But you need to grow up.

Don’t hold unto things. If someone told you a lot of truth. And you did not like it. Don’t develop some kind of bitterness towards that person. When people tell you the truth. It is just their polite way of showing that they care about you. And they really want you to take notice of somethings, which do not look pretty on you. People want you to stop wasting time. To stop living without a vision. They want you to find yourself. They want you to be your own person. Not a fragment of many other people. If someone pointed out that kind of truth. They were genuine. Their urge to say it came from a good place. They really want you to improve on some areas in your life. That is what people who care do. They speak the truth. And when they do so. They are saving you an embarrassing moment in the future. They don’t want you to make a fool out of yourself.

Don’t be Involved Emotionally

A HANDSOME YOUNG MAN DEESCALATING TENSION / Photo Courtesy / Thirdman

And get this. People say a lot of things in a typical day. So you won’t be getting hurt with everything you don’t like. You need to think about your reaction. Your attitude towards things and people. You need to actually listen for the listening sake. Instead of listening to answer. Accept that someone said something you were not ready for. However, the thing pointed out actually exists. You know that you suffer from it. But you did not expect someone else to address it for you. So that truth hurt your feelings. And your focus shifted. Instead of you taking responsibility and commit to finding the right fix. Your attention went to the hurt feelings. Now, you would like to question why someone talked about it. And who do they think they are and so on. That was not the point. The point is, someone saw something and said something.

The only simple action you were supposed to take was to listen. You might not have liked the tone in which it was said. Or the manner in which the person addressed the issue. Those are minor things. They can be solved easily. But the meat of the matter is, there is something wrong. Your energy and attention should go to the area mentioned not how the person said it. The problem is more important than the tone. Look at the problem first. And deal with your emotions later. A friend or relative will always be there. However, the time you waste might not be there. So stop holding unto unnecessary things. Don’t also wait for the perfect time to revenge. A friend or relative spoke out of concern. These people care about you. They want the best out of you. They are on your side. Stop making an enemy out of them.

Don’t just be too focused with your feelings. And demand for an apology where an apology is not needed. The truth does not need an apology. It needs responsibility. Be wise. Learn from different things and people. You don’t have to be in the mood to learn a new thing. Life does not happen on your terms. It happens at the right time. Those words that you did not want to hear were spoken at the right time. Stop fighting with them. And be a little bit sensible. Why would a friend want to attack you? A friend that speaks the truth is a good friend. Wise people learn from others. Stop building walls or being too full for a new thing. Get out of the petty ego mindset. Don’t condition your mind to focus on trivia things at the expense of your own progress. A normal person must grow. And you don’t grow in perfect conditions.

Be Realistic

A beautiful couple having a disagreement / Photo / Yan Krukau

Life is not just sweet when it gives you everything you want. Life is still good when you encounter discomforts. Just be realistic. There are good moments in life. And there are also bad experiences in the same life. Learn your responsibility when seasons change. If life is calling you to adult up. Don’t cling to being a baby. Shake yourself a little and accept some discomforts. They are good for you. They help you to grow. Milk is good. But you also need a bone’s broth for your teeth. And the truth is for adults. Children sometimes, cry when they are faced with uncertainty. When people who suffer from petty ego diverge from real issues and focus on minor grievances. In reality, they are just throwing tantrums. Those tantrums show that they are not ready to face life as it occurs in real-time. They are interested more in good moments of life. Other than its criticism of them.

Yes, it was a friend or relative who said something you did not like. But see the bigger picture. Life wants you to fix something. To stop being disorganized. It is not the responsibility of other people to remind you what you need to do. If you are in school. It is your responsibility to remember that you are a student. And your school work needs more priority than social media. Or spending the whole day watching television. These are the things that someone wanted you to correct. To get your priorities right. To stop being aimless and thinking that you are still a child. At 15 or 20. One must stop doing things they did when they were five or eight. At 15 years-old. People want to see direction from you. Who are you? what excites you most? What kind of person are you forming into? These are important questions a concerned aunt can ask.

Stop escalating things in the wrong direction. Stop creating a conflict where there is no conflict. Don’t insist on being right all the time. Don’t be fixated on winning every conversation. Solve problems. Listen to that which you don’t like. There is something valuable in those awkward conversations. Go past your hurt feelings. And look at the real issues. Get organized. Stop being irresponsible. Prioritize the right things. Grow up. Stop fighting with everything and everyone. Life is bigger than your petty ego. Don’t live as a prejudiced person. You will miss important learning opportunities. Open yourself up. And shade that old skin off yourself. The future needs swiftness. Be a learner. And let go of unnecessary resentments. You will gain nothing by fighting with the truth. Listen to that which makes you better. Don’t let your emotions guide you. Seek wisdom. Expand your horizons. Lessons come from all corners of the earth.