ARE YOUR EMOTIONS RUNNING OUT OF CONTROL?

 

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

An unhappy man being overwhelmed by emotions/credit/Cottonbro Studio

Stop Lashing Out

Just a few years from the worst global health crisis, life is not what we used to know. A lot of things changed. Even though things are getting back to normal right now, all is not normal among some people. Some people are still heavy on emotions. The negative impacts that came with the virus affected the smooth flow of operations. We need to acknowledge that things might not be as normal as, we think. Whereas, most of the businesses and people have recovered from the setbacks, some are still struggling. The mental aspect of the pandemic is still weighing down on some people. Therefore, when the effects of the pandemic are combined with the way life is unfolding in real-time. The overall outcome is not good. Inflation keeps rising prices of basic goods. Thus, disrupting smooth flow. Life is not as sweet as, people used to know it. There are some challenges.

And as a result of these challenges, some people are just irritated. Although, they might not pinpoint at the exact thing that is making them angry. People are still angry. And they don’t want anyone to mess around with them. Not even play with their stuff. People want their space. They want to be left alone. They are doing what they can to keep things running in their homes. And they don’t want anyone to interfere with the strategies they have put in place. To create some kind of normal for themselves. This means that, anything little or big that disrupts this normal that people have put in place to keep going is a trigger. Some emotions have to be released. The suppressed emotions will come out with any little trigger. The trigger only needs one person to make one terrible mistake.

And the stage will be set. The mistake could be an implication that something has not been done. For example, a bill has not been paid and it is due. But in reality, the said bill has been paid. The person making an implication is wrong. Someone is not checking records correctly or is not keeping records at all. So, a misunderstanding has been created. This misunderstanding is going to boil another person’s blood. The irritated person will want to lash out. But the rage will be misdirected. Now emotions are building because this is not the first time. This person was hurt earlier in the day. So the messenger will bear the consequences of doing his/her job. Locking the door because the bill is due. And the caretaker gets screamed at. The misunderstanding has triggered someone. But the property manager is not here. It is the caretaker who is present at the property.

And you are angry. And in the course of the day. Something happened that you did not like and you sort of got emotionally involved with it. And now you get the news that your door is locked. You will definitely explode. Your reaction will not just be about this current event but also about the previous event that you repressed. You are really angry right now. Red angry. And you want to speak your mind. You want someone to know that he/she cannot play with you. You want to make a point. But you are angry. Therefore, instead of speaking your mind to the property manager. You lash out at the caretaker. The scenario becomes ugly. You just attracted the attention of other people by yelling at the caretaker. And now people want to know what is going on. You did not think about the attention part. You acted out of emotions.

Your lashing out has made your personal matter and your feelings other people’s business. You acted out of anger. And for sure, you had a right to be angry or react that way. Because someone is telling a lie. You paid your bills on time. Someone is failing somewhere. And their failure is impacting you. Given the gravity of the accusations and the inconvenience that came with it. You have the right to be angry. However, what you do not have a right to; is lashing out at the wrong people. Allowing your emotions to run you. To make you senseless and unconscious. When you act out of emotions, common sense is not at work. You can easily make a fool out of yourself. You become the laughing stock in the area. And the worst of all. If you have children within range, you are worrying them. They are scared by your outbursts. They just cannot understand what is happening to mom/dad.

So, stop lashing out when you are angry. Do not call for unnecessary attention. The misunderstanding can be fixed. You just need to find some strength to calm down. And when you become sober. Talk to the person that created the misunderstanding. Tell the individual that you don’t like what he/she is doing. That the little mistakes that person is making could be dangerous. The sloppiness can result into a big court case. What does the person mean when he/she says that a bill has not been paid, when the said bill has been paid? What is the person implying when he passes that message across to the caretaker? Is the person doubting your ability to take care of your responsibilities? Is the person looking for double payment? Is there some form of fraud leveraging on this misrepresentation?

Speak all these things to the right person. Raise all these pertinent issues to the property owner. The property owner could have not thought about these issues when he/she sent out the message. Tell the right person that you are offended. That you are not taking kindly what was implied. Demand for an apology from the property owner. You can only have this level-headed type of conversation when you are sane. When your anger has cooled down. When you are feeling good. When you have had a second thought about the issue. When you have chosen the right reaction. When you are calm, the other person will hear you. The other person will learn his/her mistake. Mistakes will be corrected. Things will fall back to normal. However, when you react, when you are angry. You make things worse. The people that you lashed at are not happy. They feel disrespected. Your intention was not to disrespect anyone. But anger made you disrespect someone.

Manage your emotions

Don’t allow your emotions to control you. Anger is a strong emotion and it has an ability to make people act in a certain way. The action in most occasions is not good. You can easily harm other people when you are angry. When you are angry, you are seeking revenge. The lashing out is revenge. The act is meant to send a strong message to the other party. A message that you cannot be messed with. But you are doing it at the wrong time. You are revenging at the wrong place. The people you are addressing are not the right people. You are making a scene. A scene that will take you time to recover from if, at all there is something like that. Stop sending wrong signals to the world. Learn how to manage your emotions. Not every mistake committed against you is worth your energy. Preserve your energy.

Don’t spill your emotions all over. You are also being a bad actor by allowing your emotions to determine your behavior. Don’t suppress emotions. Find ways to release emotions in the right way. Find a safe space to act out your emotions. Every normal human being gets angry at something at one point or the other. But people find best ways to release their emotions. If, the pain is so bad from the hurt, you can cry a little from a safe space. But not by shocking people. You don’t need the attention. The misunderstand is bad. However, your reaction is wrong. It is not you who is reacting. It is your emotions. And emotions don’t think. Emotions are emotions and they trigger people to act in uncalled for ways. Don’t allow this to happen to you. Don’t allow your emotions to control you. Find sane in your mess. Take a few minutes before reacting.

Calm yourself down. Don’t take an action at all when you are angry. Wait until you have gone through the roller coaster of your emotions. Don’t allow the weight of life to make you what you are not. Don’t react with situations and people. There will be many other triggers beyond this misunderstanding. And you cannot trust your emotions. Emotions will betray you. You need to be you the individual. You the sane. And you the rational to always make decisions. You will get hurt several times. Don’t return the favor by hurting other people. You need to make a decision about these things. Things that you don’t like but still keep happening to you. Make a decision to be in charge.

Make a decision to bring your emotions under control. Make a decision to stop circumstances from deciding for you. Don’t react according to circumstances. React according to wisdom.  You could be hurt but act in wisdom. Calm down. Let the trigger go. Don’t lose your integrity because you are in pain. There is more to life than the pain. Manage your emotions. If, the property manager doubts your ability to pay, move out. Get a place with dignity. Transact business with the right people. People who respect you not doubt you. If, you are not valued here. Go where they value you. You have options beyond lashing out and spilling your emotions all over.