BUILDING BETTER HABITS
An ambitious beautiful woman looking for help to adult-up /Credit / Julia Avamotive
Life is
very interesting. Some things, which look simple, are not simple at all. Such
as, transitioning from childhood to adulthood. Society expects these people to
know what to do. When you transition into adulthood, life assumes that you know
what it means to be an adult. Life assumes that you are ready. That you are
well equipped. You know what you are supposed to do. You know how to take
responsibility. You know how to behave and act like an adult. But these
societal assumptions are not true. In real life, people struggle. Real people
struggle to be adults. It is not a straight line to adulthood. There are
struggles along the way. Some people just find themselves in adult bodies. However,
they are still children in their mind. They don’t know what to do with their
lives.
They still need someone to instruct and direct
them. They don’t know how to find their way in adulthood. So they remain stuck
in their childhood mind for some time or for a long time. Going about their
lives in a less authentic way. The things that they do, and how they do it. Do
not represent them. They are just a collection of so many things. They pick up
traits and behaviors from their environment that do not sum up who they are. They
live and act other people. They implement other people’s values and practices. They
just haven’t figured out who they are and how they want their life to pan out. This
is a real struggle. A struggle of finding self. A struggle of living you. A struggle
of finding out what truly defines you. It is a common trend among people. It takes
time before people fully understand who they are. There is only a small percent
of people who know straight up what they need and who they are as human beings.
So, if, you happen to be struggling with what it means to be an adult, here are
four things you can do to adult up.
Stop Shouting
You know
people will hear you, just fine when you speak normally. Speak clearly and audibly.
Use the right range. A range that is not
shouting and not being inaudible. A range that the person standing next to you
hears you properly. A range that helps people to understand you. A range that
communicates your needs clearly without shouting. In fact, you don’t need to
shout at all. You don’t have to speak on top of your voice. Just stick to your
range. Speak normally. You don’t have to be talking to an entire block, when
you are just having a normal conversation with your friends. Friends who are in
the same space with you. There is no need to grab other people’s attention. Learn
how to speak like an adult. A normal adult does not need to shout to be heard. A
normal adult speaks clearly and audibly. If, you don’t have any underlying
health conditions that require you to shout, then don’t shout.
Just talk.
Talk to people. Talk to people while directly facing them. Hold a noble
conversation. A conversation that does not attract attention. A conversation that
does not notify everyone that you are around. A normal adult conversation. So work
on your voice. Adjust yourself. You are no longer a child. You are an adult. As
an adult, you should know how to speak. Speaking on top of your voice is not
talking. It is shouting. And when you shout like that, you lose people. You lose
your message. You confuse people. People would not know if, you are speaking to
them or the whole neighborhood. Downsize your conversations. Stop being loud. Stop
shouting. Adult up. Learn the best way to speak to people. A way that makes
both of you comfortable. Don’t scare people. Don’t make people think that, you
have health conditions when you don’t. Don’t shout. Just speak to people in an
audible enough voice.
Avoid Loud Conversations
When you
are having a conversation about things that are personal and none of the
business of other people, avoid loud conversations. No one is interested to
know what you like or what you hate. People have their own lives. People have
their own needs. And they just want to focus on their issues. And you have no
business asserting yourself with loud conversations. Conversations, which are
somewhat embarrassing. They are embarrassing because they are about personal
things. Things that should be discussed in private. Things that concern you and
other people. People who are not the public. You need to know when and where to
hold some conversations. You cannot just be speaking everywhere and anywhere. You
need to know better. Keep personal conversations personal.
Hold normal
conversations. Convey your message to the other person without being loud. Perhaps
you are the only two people who are interested in such conversations. And you
have no right to force other people into your private conversations. When you
have loud conversations, you are forcibly including other people in your
conversations. Other people don’t care about what happened last night. You are
the only one who is interested. So keep your conversations to yourself and the
people who are interested in that conversation. Stop forcing other people into
your chats and small talks. Small talks are small talks. Everyone engages in
small talks every now and then. But people do so in the right context and environment.
They create safe spaces to hold such conversations. They don’t shout while at it.
They also don’t hold loud conversations. They speak like adults.
You also
need to learn how to have a conversation like an adult. An adult talk is adult.
It does not draw attention. It is conversational. Two people speaking to each
other. A group engaging each other. People having discussions among themselves.
They do so with knowledge that, there are other people. And other people have
nothing to do with their subjects of interest. They fully understand that they
are not having a public address. They are not addressing the public. They are
speaking among themselves. You also need to learn how to hold a conversation
with the other person not the whole neighborhood. Avoid having loud conversations.
The people you intended to speak to will hear you just fine. Speak normally. Speak
like an adult. Don’t shout. Don’t be loud. Speak to people. Don’t speak at
people. Your voice is usually raised when you speak at people. But when you speak
to people, you speak to people around you using a normal tonal range.
Stop Laughing Loudly
You don’t
have to attract attention. You don’t have to make your presence known. You don’t
have to laugh loudly. Just laugh normally. Laugh among yourselves. Don’t laugh
for other people. Other people have their own concerns. And you don’t have to
be irritating every time you laugh. You don’t want to be labelled by your loud
laughter. There is nothing wrong with laughing. However, there is everything
wrong with laughing if, that laughter is interfering with other people. When that
laughter is intentionally made louder to attract attention. You don’t need to
remind people that you live there with your loud laughter. You need to be you. You
might have your own struggles, but you don’t need to startle other people. You need
to grow up. You need to learn better. You need to adult up. You need to know
when and how to laugh.
You need
to recognize the presence of other people. You need to know that your issues of
interest are not shared interests. People care about other things. And it is
fair to give people their peace of mind. To allow other people to do their
things in peace. Your laughter does not need to be distorting. Some people
could be working on serious projects. And your loud laughter destroys their
work. And they are forced to repeat because your laughter was captured somewhere
in their work. You got to think. You got to think big. Don’t just see things
using your narrow lens. If, you live in a community. Think about the community.
The community is totally different people. The community does different things.
You don’t have to attract its attention. Mind your laughter. Mind your
behavior. Adult up.
Respect Your Neighbors
Respect
your neighbors. You don’t live alone. You don’t walk alone. There are other
road users. There are other people in the neighborhood. And your activities don’t
have to interfere with other people. Other people don’t need to know what is
going on in your life. So stop pulling them into your issues. Stop behaving and
acting in a way that undermines your neighbor’s presence. Be conscious. Be alive.
Open your eyes. There are other people. And other people deserve their respect.
People are going through different things. And the last thing they want is to
be drawn into unnecessary conversations or discussions. They want to face their
issues calmly. They want to focus. They want to complete their tasks in peace. You
don’t have to interfere. You need to adult up. You need to learn how to behave
and think.
Stop acting as though, you are unconscious. Stop
behaving as if, you are the only person who lives in that particular
environment. Respect your neighbors. Stop talking loudly. Stop laughing loudly.
Stop holding loud conversations on the hallway. Stop blocking other people on
the hallway. Stop creating unnecessary traffic on the stairs. Mind other users.
Mind the needs of your neighbors. Your neighbors deserve their dignity. Stop
scandalizing your neighborhood. Stop lowering standards in your neighborhood. Respect
policies in the neighborhood. If, your neighbors don’t want noise, stop making
noise for them. Stop acting out. Adult up. Stop spreading your mediocrity in
the neighborhood. Growing up is a huge task. But you don’t have to disturb other people
while growing up. If, you don’t know how to be an adult, you don’t upset other
people. You learn to handle your struggles with grace. You find resources to
help you grow up. You learn how to behave correctly. You need to grow up. You need
to level-up. Stop engaging in behaviors that make you questionable. Stop shocking
your neighbors. Don’t be an irritant. Just adult up.
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